A FRANK MOVIE REVIEW: “BAYWATCH” – 1

“BAYWATCH”  –   Rating:  1

 

In a word: Junk

     This is among the worst of first-run movies I’ve seen, at least the first excruciating hour before walking out.

     Some might say — being among the senior set — we should have expected that.  We expected silliness, we expected light comedy and sexual references. We knew this was going to be a movie aimed toward young people. But we didn’t expect garbage.

     The movie is nothing more than an expose’ in skin and muscle ad nauseum, with Dwayne Johnson’s monstrous body consuming most of the screen, and then the little people along the beaches. If you like stupid dialogue, stupid plots and horrible acting, you’ll like this movie.

     Hardly a scene went by that the characters were not referring to or featuring some personal body parts, male and female. The “action” scenes were pathetically contrived.

     All things considered, the movie will probably be a big hit at the box office because of the target audiences who think the plethora of foul language and sex-based body appendages are a great source of humor.

     I wasn’t going to waste my time writing a review, but then I figured the bad deserves ratings as well the good. Dwayne Johnson is supposedly considering a run for president. I hope he does. Anything would be better than acting.

     I know, I know. He’s a big success. What does that say about us?

     I give it a 1 out of 10.

 

Click here: Baywatch (2017) – IMDb

 

9 Responses to A FRANK MOVIE REVIEW: “BAYWATCH” – 1

  1. Helen Bennett May 28, 2017 at 4:10 pm #

    Why do you spend your money watching horrible movies?

  2. Charlie May 28, 2017 at 6:30 pm #

    Thanks for reaffirming my choice to cross this one off my list Marshall.

  3. Bob James May 28, 2017 at 6:32 pm #

    Great review Marshall.

    Sounds like a film that was tailor-made for the mindless millenials. Personally, after careful and thoughtful consideration of your review, I think I will pass this one up. But I will certainly forward your review to friends, relatives, neighbors who might want to take a look at what you have to say about this Hollywood masterpiece before they plunk their money down the tubes.

  4. Cindi Morgan May 29, 2017 at 8:47 am #

    Thought the same about the old TV series.

  5. Figaro May 29, 2017 at 10:31 am #

    Would you watch a whole “excruciating hour” of Pole dancing before walking out? LOL!!

    • Marshall Frank May 30, 2017 at 6:51 am #

      Figaro – I never saw a pole dance before.

  6. Paul Vincent Zecchino May 29, 2017 at 12:44 pm #

    Sounds like a powerful film built upon sound principles set in celluloid by the Masters, Ed Wood, Jr. of ‘Plan 9 From Outer Space’ and legendary Phil Tucker, whose Fab50s spaceman epic, “Robot Monster” induces laughter and then merciful sleep to this day.

    In all seriousness, thank you, Marshall, for validating our family’s decision to be selective about going to theatres, subsidizing Hollyred’s liberal pols and crusades.

    What works most pleasingly for us is read your reviews then wait for your recommendations to hit E-Bay.

  7. Laura Petruska May 29, 2017 at 3:01 pm #

    This is one of the most amusing reviews I’ve read in a while. Thanks for the laugh!

    Laura

  8. Ron Fischer May 29, 2017 at 4:35 pm #

    the new movie strategy is to make sure that the entire message is simple minded, stupid and focuses on immediate gratification enjoying the absurd.

    Movies are not what they once used to be – entertaining and often powerful lessons.